


The Prostitute Quandary, or Why Leonard Will Never Eat Thai Food at Midnight (Again)

by sabinelagrande



Category: Big Bang Theory, Stargate Atlantis
Genre: Crack, Crossover, Dreams, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2008-11-30
Updated: 2008-11-30
Packaged: 2017-10-06 10:39:03
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 792
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/52733
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sabinelagrande/pseuds/sabinelagrande
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Leonard meets another member of Sheldon's species.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Prostitute Quandary, or Why Leonard Will Never Eat Thai Food at Midnight (Again)

The door opened unexpectedly as Leonard sat at his desk, finishing up his work. Sheldon, still wearing civilian tan, dropped his duffel bag unceremoniously beside the door.

Leonard shot up. "Hey, you're back!"

"So I am," Sheldon allowed. "Good night."

Leonard stopped him before he could head for his room- it had been years, after all. "Wait, wait, how was the Pegasus galaxy?"

Sheldon thought for a moment. "It was all right, I suppose," he said with a shrug. "The food wasn't great, and if I never see the ocean ever again, I'll die a happy man, but our research was extremely fruitful."

He waited, expecting more. "That's it?"

"In the broad strokes, yes," Sheldon replied, as if it were obvious.

Leonard wished he were surprised, but he persevered. "You went all the way to another galaxy, and you don't have any good stories? Anecdotes? Knock knock jokes?"

There was a tentative knock at the door, but the man who opened it didn't bother waiting to be let in. "Oh, there you are," Sheldon said to him, sounding pleased. "Rodney, tell Leonard a story. If I don't get a shower right this minute, I'm going to throw myself out of the window."

He blinked, dropping his duffel next to Sheldon's. "What kind of a story?"

"What about that one with the prostitute and the ZPM?" Sheldon offered.

"I don't think I know a story about a prostitute and a ZPM," the man who was apparently named Rodney replied, saying his Z's in entirely the wrong way.

"Maybe Radek was telling me that story," Sheldon pondered. "Anyway, it was very clever. You see, there's this prostitute-"

Leonard cut him off, waving his hands. "Look, I don't care about the prostitute-" He sighed. "Sheldon, you brought home an alien, and you didn't think to warn me about it?"

"I am a _resident_ alien," Rodney protested.

"He's Canadian," Sheldon explained, sounding somewhat defensive. "I honestly didn't expect you to be waiting on me- and it's not like I'm dating a Wraith or anything."

"We agreed never to talk about the Wraith ever again," Rodney said sharply.

Sheldon shrugged. "Blame Leonard."

Leonard pressed the palms of his hands to his forehead, trying to stop the headache that was rapidly appearing. "Did you just say dating?"

"Oh," Sheldon said, slightly startled. "I'm sorry; I believe I've made an error in social protocol. Leonard, allow me to introduce my boyfriend, Rodney McKay."

"Oh, um, hi?" Leonard tried.

Rodney wasn't listening. "You sound like a fourteen year old girl when you say that," he told Sheldon. "What's wrong with 'partner'?"

"Also problematic- we neither have a law firm, nor are we in any danger of playing tennis," Sheldon pointed out. "There's always 'significant other.'"

"See, I've never liked that term. I mean, obviously I have plenty of others who are significant," Rodney said, and Leonard realized two things: that he, Rodney, was possibly as weird as Sheldon, and that he, Leonard, was superfluous to the conversation, "plus it gives me flashbacks to Hegelian philosophy."

"Mmm. I see your point," Sheldon replied, and Leonard tried the front door, but it wouldn't open, no matter how hard he tried the knob, "I suppose 'life partner' is off the table as well."

"Too soon to tell, I'd say," Rodney agreed, and oh god, the window wouldn't open either, and he was going to be stuck here for all time- listening to them argue about semantics- watching helplessly as they mocked his whiteboard- hearing them bicker about Chinese take out- or, even worse-

Leonard sat straight up in bed, panting and sweating. He blinked, sighing heavily in relief. It was just a dream, thank god.

That was it. He didn't care how many seasons they were behind and how close the finale was- no more SGA marathons before bedtime. Ever. And no more dreams about Sheldon, for that matter. It was starting to become a disturbing trend.

"What's wrong, baby?" Penny asked, rolling towards him.

"Bad dream," he replied, letting her brush his hair back from his forehead.

"We know just the thing for that," she said, kissing him. "Don't we, Major?"

"Of course we do," Sheppard replied from the opposite side of the bed. He pulled Leonard closer, nibbling at his neck, while Penny-

Leonard jolted awake- again- unable to decide whether he was more relieved or disappointed. Maybe he'd just never sleep again. That should fix it.

When he turned to look at his room, he noticed Sheldon in bed beside him, peacefully sleeping and muttering equations under his breath. He seemed to wake for a moment, before turning to his other side and going back to sleep.

Leonard lay back down, closing his eyes. Everything seemed normal enough for now.


End file.
